The Dwarf and the Dragon
Jasmine Whiteside
My palms are sweaty as I’m sitting in the waiting room of Doctor Smith’s clinic. As usual, they’re running late and I can’t stop shaking my knee. I hate waiting. Doctors’ clinics specialize in making people wait. After waiting three months for this appointment, I have to wait even longer. I’m here of my own volition; I don’t have any deathly illnesses (that I know of), and oddly I’ve been looking forward to it.
I have a full face of makeup on, and I’m wearing my new pink dress with polka dots, a matching pink jacket, and black flats. I put as much effort into my appearance to come here as I would on a date. I wanted to prove that I deserved to be here. Besides, the hours spent getting ready gave me an extra confidence boost. Meghan joined me for support; she’s dressed in a Mario t-shirt and jeans. I can’t help but envy how much more feminine she looks than me. She doesn’t have to try, but I do. After all, I’m here today to get prescribed hormones to start medically transitioning.
***
Hopping out of the bus, I’m sprinting down the street to Max’s house. I’m running late. My foot catches in a crack in the sidewalk and I barely stop myself from falling. That doesn’t stop me, and I keep running until I reach the old red brick house. Breathlessly I pound on the door. A muffled chorus of “Come in!” beckons me inside. Everyone had already arrived for D&D. Max was, as usual, on his gaming chair at the head of the table with his DM screen covering most of his chest. Sometimes I wonder if he is superglued to his gaming chair. Everyone’s minis were set on the map on the table. There are five of us - Max as the Dungeon Master (DM) and the players: myself, Meghan, Ayan, and Jiancarlo.
I took my seat beside Meghan and started zipping open my bag.
“I love your outfit,” Meghan says.
Euphoria shoots through my body like electricity. Immediately a shy smile comes out. I’m wearing my black business-woman dress.
“Thanks,” I reply, hiding my face. Deflecting the attention I reply, “I like your outfit too.”
She’s wearing a vintage sweater and jeans and shies away from the compliment too. Rifling through my bag, I grab the mini of my character and put her on the table. She’s a small female Dwarf with a dagger in her hand. I wish that one day my hair will be as long as hers.
“So,” Max started, using his ‘let's get down to business tone’. “Who wants to fill us in on what happened last time?”
“Meghan tried to seduce a queen,” I laughed.
“In front of the king,” Jiancarlo deadpanned.
“Hey, Zylstina the legendary bard tried that, not Meghan,” Meghan retorted.
Jiancarlo rolled his eyes.
“Besides, her majesty deserves so much better than some spoiled old man.” Meghan continued.
Ayan chimed in, “Right. So then the king wanted to execute us. But we managed to plead for our lives and take on his most dangerous quest: to steal an emerald gem from a dragon.”
“Which is basically impossible.” Jiancarlo interjected.
“Hopefully not. But we prepared for the dungeon, and now here we are outside of it ready to go in.” Ayan summarized.
“Alright then, take it away,” Max said, motioning for us to start.
“I’ll lead the party as we enter the dungeon,” Jiancarlo declared.
Max continued, “You enter the dark, damp winding cave. Walking through its narrow walkways to come out to a large dark cavern.”
“Okay, what do we see?” Jiancarlo asks.
“The dragon there awaiting you,” Max smirked.
Jiancarlo put his hands on his face like he could cry while the rest of us moaned.
“What kind of weirdo dragon hangs out at the beginning of the dungeon?” I say in disbelief. “Everyone knows that they’re supposed to hang out at the back of a dungeon and wait for us to come to kill it.”
“What colour is it?” Ayan asks.
“Red and it looks like an adult,” Max replies.
“We’re screwed,” Jiancarlo said with his face still buried in his hands.
A red dragon was the toughest kind you could find. They were especially bloodthirsty and enjoyed crushing adventurers.
***
The office door opened, and Doctor Smith stepped into the waiting room.
“Finn?” He called out.
The words hit like a gut punch, leaving me speechless. Meghan gives me a concerned look. This is not how either of us imagined my appointment starting. He deadnames me again. A lifetime of insecurities crawled through my skin whispering the words you’re not a real girl.
“Do you mean her?” Meghan responds by gesturing to me.
I’m glad she’s here to speak up for me. If she wasn’t here I’m not sure what I would do.
The Doctor raised his gaze to us. “Yes, he can come in.” He says casually, ignoring her correction.
Another gut punch lands.
“I…uh, actually go by um, F-F-Fiona,” I mumble.
Why are you wasting his time on this? The doctor looks down at his sheet for a moment and flips some papers. A moment passes. I shouldn’t have brought it up. He finally says,
“Hm, I don’t see that here. Why don’t you come in and we can begin.”
***
“Okay, so here’s what we can do.” Jiancarlo always strategizes before his turn. “I’ll smack the dragon around a few times and you all will have to hide behind me to get protection from my paladin’s aura.”
“Sounds good,” we all said in unison.
Jiancarlo went ahead hitting the dragon once, and before I could take my turn the dragon went ahead.
“The dragon, seeing the party cower behind Jiancarlo, will try to pick up Jiancarlo,” Max said.
Max then rolled his dice and laughed a little.
“Oh no,” Meghan cried.
“The dragon picks up Jiancarlo and hurls him thirty feet away,” Max chuckled. “The dragon will turn its attention to the rest of you and will scare you with its terrifying presence.”
Ayan, Meghan, and I rolled our dice.
Ayan made the save while Meghan and I failed ours.
***
Meghan got up with me to head towards the Doctor.
“Is she your family?” He asks.
“Uh, no, but she’s my—”
“—Is she your spouse?”
“No, but she’s my friend though,” I plead.
“I’m sorry but friends aren’t allowed in with patients.”
“Are you sure that’s right?” Meghan asked, scrunching her face. Even though she was asking, she knew the answer.
“I am. I can’t let you come in.”
Helplessly I glance toward Meghan. She returns the look. We spent hour(s) prepping for this appointment. She learned the names of what hormones I want, what they do, and what doses are acceptable to start on. I never imagined going in there without her.
“It’s fine. I won’t be too long, okay?” I say to Meghan, relenting.
“Are you sure?” Meghan asks me, concerned.
“Yeah,” I reply. What other choice do I have?
Meghan mouthed something to me as I left, or did she say it? Entering the office it hadn’t changed over the years. Old eighties carpet still lined the floors, the walls painted eggshell white, and paint peeling in some places. I never looked forward to going to the doctor, but I used to know what to expect. I would sit, say I’m sick, and get some medicine. It was formulaic. Walking these halls now, I don’t know what’s going to happen, and I have half a mind to run out the door screaming. Before I know it, I’m herded into a chair.
“I’m going to ask you some questions, okay?” he asks, but it's not a question.
“Okay…” I say shifting uncomfortably in my chair.
“Have you thought about how this would affect your life?”
“Yes.” How could I not?
“How so?” He raises an eyebrow expectantly.
“Um, my life will be okay?” Is there a right answer to that?
“Ok. What about your relationships?”
“All of my friends have been pretty nice about it.” I wish Meghan were here.
“Ok. What about your family?”
“I’m not on speaking terms with my parents right now.”
“Ok. Do you want to have kids?”
“Uh, not really, no.”
“Ok. What about your career?”
“I don’t know. Hopefully it's fine, but I guess my pay grade will go down as a woman.”
“How long have you known that you’ve been transgender?”
“Uh three months I think—”
“—What’s your sexual orientation?”
I nearly fell out of the chair. “Uh, well I’m demi-sexual which means that I focus more on connecting emotionally with someone than—”
“—Are you straight?” he interrupts.
“I don’t really think in those terms…” I trail off as he looks more and more annoyed. “Pansexual.”
“Are you currently engaging in sex?”
“What? No!” Why does that matter?
“What are you expecting out of hormones?”
“I was hoping to have breasts, as well for my face to feminize a bit,” I say lifelessly. This was the part I was most excited about and now I just want to go home.
“Patients who are on hormones often find themselves quite happy with the results.” The doctor started. Maybe things did go well. “I know you want to start hormones…” The doctor starts and I hold my breath. “But, after doing this intake I’ve noticed that you’ve only been out as a transgender person for three months. But the minimum requirement is six months. So unfortunately I won’t be able to prescribe you hormones today.”
My heart plummeted. Nobody had told me that. I did my research before coming here. I talked to other trans people, a social worker, and my therapist, but nobody mentioned this rule. Even the doctor doesn’t think that I’m trans.
“Hello? Did you hear me?” He asks.
Snapping back into reality I repeat, “I’ve had to have been out for six months?”
“Yes.”
“I’m well over eighteen though.” What was the point of all of those questions?
“I’m aware.”
“Nobody mentioned this to me before.” Why tell me that other people are happy being on hormones?
“Unfortunately those are the rules.”
***
This dragon had us on the ropes. It was far more powerful than any of us expected. It deduced that Ayan was the party healer and started relentlessly attacking her. The dragon was blocking the exit. Leaving my only option to run deeper into the dungeon, where it had more traps awaiting.
***
I’m shaking. I need time to think. If Meghan were here, she would’ve said the right thing. What were my answers to his questions? Why does this have to be so complicated? Tears were beginning to pool in my eyes. The doctor had turned around and was typing at his desk. What did I say wrong? My throat starts closing. He’s getting ready for his next patient. This is the only appointment available for the next eight months. What did she say to me? I’m ready to start hormones. I need a word, any word, to stop this.
***
“Fiona it’s your turn, what do you do?” Max asks calmly as if he hadn’t planned to thoroughly destroy us.
I take a deep breath.
“Accept that the dragon is going to devour us,” Jiancarlo says, defeated.
“I know dragons are predators but surely there’s better food than us,” Meghan replies.
“Maybe, but it must’ve stood at the front of a dungeon for a reason,” Ayan added.
“Fiona?” Max asks again.
“It was at the front of the dungeon because its defences are weak. It’s a predator, which means it needs to hunt. It wants to end this fight quickly but we just need to hurt it enough that we’re not worth fighting.” I say, determined.
“You're going to attack it?” Jiancarlo asks, surprised.
“Hell yeah, I'm going to attack it!” I reply.
“Alright, roll with the disadvantage,” Max grins.
Rolling with a disadvantage meant rolling two twenty-sided dice, and taking the lowest roll.
“I raise my arm, and try stabbing the dragon in the eye.”
***
“W-wait.” I whimper.
***
I grabbed one of my dice and rolled it like my life depended on it. It glided across the table and stopped at twenty. Everyone gasps in surprise but my next roll will only be worse. I picked up that same die and shook it in my hand while manifesting all the luck that I possibly could. I rolled it and it bounced across the table before stopping at two. A wave of disappointment spread across the room. My heart sank.
“At least you got one good roll,” Ayan said, trying to cheer me up.
“I guess a seven won't hit?” I ask Max.
“No,” Max replies. “What do you do now?”
***
“Yes?” The Doctor said without turning.
Suddenly I feel small like a child again. “I, I…uh…” My voice dwindled as I lost it. Why are you making such a big deal of this?
***
“Wait!” Jiancarlo said loudly, as we all turned to him in response, “The die is cocked.”
“Really?” I exclaim.
The rest of us leaned over the table to examine the die. It was barely there but the die wasn’t flat.
“Max?” Ayan asked.
We all turned to Max. It was his decision. Max leaned up from his chair and stared at it for a moment, his face an unreadable mask. He then said, “Yeah, sure, reroll it."
We cheered in response. Meghan hugged me as I smiled.
***
Meghan’s words crashed to the forefront of my mind, “I believe in you, Fiona,” and a wave of calm determination pulsed through my veins.
***
It was one last chance. I picked up the die and I started shaking it in my hand. I can try manifesting the opposite of luck—the die flew out of my hand backwards behind me. Everyone gawked as it bounced across the floor and rolled underneath one of Max’s couches. As if on cue all the players got up and raced to move the couch.
“Careful!" Jiancarlo said, “We can't accidentally move the die.”
We nodded in agreement.
“Everyone take a corner of the couch,” Ayan ordered. We did as she commanded.
As we started lifting the couch, Max had gotten up from his chair and stood up. We steered the couch away from the wall and he darted by us to see the die. He was blocking it.
He turned to us and said, “It’s a natural twenty.”
***
I do deserve this though. And maybe everyone else wasn’t wrong. Maybe this Doctor is the one who’s wrong about the rules.
“I was wondering,” I said, clearing my throat loudly, “If I could get that in writing.”
***
“What are you attacking the dragon with again?” Max asked.
“My soul knife, it does psychic damage so I want to make sure to give it a migraine,” I replied. “Can you folks pass me your dice?”
Everyone at the table started throwing their dice at me.
***
“Uh, why exactly do you need that?” the Doctor blurts.
“Well, I’ve been documenting every step of my transition. So, having a note from you confirming that I need to have been ‘out as a trans person’ for six months would let me have it for my records and verify it at a later date.”
“You don’t need to do—”
“—Especially since I plan on discussing this with the Ministry of Health,” I said, feigning confidence. “Since these are the ‘official guidelines,’ right?”
***
“Fifty-four points of psychic damage!” I exclaimed.
***
“Uh, um,” the doctor stumbles. “Well, how about I double-check what the official guidelines state, before writing a note saying it.”
“That would be great,” I smiled.
The doctor typed on his keyboard and occasionally clicked around. Why did get I get so stressed about those questions when he didn’t even care about the answers? The printer starts up. He clicks his pen.
***
“I can’t believe that the dragon flew away,” Meghan says in disbelief.
“Not before nearly killing the entire party though,” Jiancarlo replies.
“Yeah, without those two twenties we would’ve died for sure,” Ayan states.
“I guess, but the rest of you guys wore it down as well,” I blush.
“Yeah, I was expecting everyone to roll new characters next week,” Max says, back in his gaming chair.
We froze.
“Wait, really?” Meghan asks.
“Yeah, the king wanted you guys dead,” Max says.
“Sure, but what else were we supposed to do?” I ask.
“Run away from the kingdom?” Max says dryly.
“Nah,” the rest of us reply in unison.
Max shook his head in disbelief.
“Besides, Zylstina isn’t done talking to her new flare, the queen,” Meghan says, giggling.
“Oh my god, this again,” Jiancarlo says, annoyed. “For once can you just—”
As the others continued talking my phone chimed and I picked it up.
“Hello?” I asked.
“Hi, is this Fiona Flores?”
“Yes.”
“This is the pharmacy calling to let you know that your new medications are ready for you.”
“Thanks,” I said and hung up.
I stared at my phone in disbelief.
“Is everything okay?” Ayan asked.
“Yeah. It was the pharmacy letting me know that my hormones are ready for pick up.” I exclaimed.
“Congrats!” Everyone says slightly out of unison.
“I’m so happy for you!” Ayan says sweetly.
“This is so exciting!” Meghan says, giggling.
Max and Jiancarlo reaffirmed their ‘congrats’ which was about as much excitement as I’d get out of them.
“Alright, I’m going to head out now then,” I said.
“I can drive you to the drugstore!” Meghan exclaimed.
“Thanks! Next time we can explore the dungeon.” I beam.
