over a sink from which I rise face damp dab cream on fire cheeks flushed
rushed renewed by a concern for my skin never carried when I thought
myself a man but now subcutaneous skeletal salvaging some part of me
unruined by testosterone ravaging my resolve to live and love a face
thought lost ‘cause of acne and rosacea but now (slowly imperceptibly
agonizingly) clearing clearing clearing clouds drifting after the rain
of blood and fire blown away by estradiol valerate (blue 2mg tablet daily)
spironolactone (100mg tablet twice daily) absorbed by a body too long
asleep exhausted of maleness glowing glowing glowing in embers of
glycol skin scrub retinol skin cream and nightly hydrating lip mask hoping
to glimpse myself in the mirror after thirty-nine long years waiting
waiting watching that man mask pretend to be me plucked from
the middle of my life learning to put on my real face over this imposter’s
skin with a brush and eyeshadow learning to take my first steps to loving
myself learning to be a baby phoenix ancient yet newborn